May 2011
So, here's the thing...
I told you the truth… which is surprising, I mean, I had planned on keeping that secret for years.
But it came out, and I am only realizing now that I hoped it would change things. There was two options. One: You could have had it as I knew there was no chance and I’d be okay with that. Really, really okay with that. Two: You could have said yes for sure. That way you may have to...
YNK
I realized a reason I’m still around you, besides the promise…
I just want to know you’ll be okay.
iloveyou I’ll always be here friend.
“There are certain clues at a crime scene which by their very nature do not lend...”
– James Reese
“The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you will see.”
– Winston Churchill
alwaysallforyou:
I want to scream at you...
just so you’ll hold me and calm me down.
YNK
I don’t always like you. But I’ll always love you.
What are we going to do when someone else comes into our lives… they are so not going to be happy about it.
Oh and I forgot to tell you… I’m leaving. One year - no big deal right? You won’t remember me much anyways…
Stupid much?
I could really have been a lot better off if I didn’t just do what I did. I mean, I am crazy, so much for trying to get you off my mind for the night.. well morning.
I go home and I get to sleep. You don’t get to invade that.
YNK
I think I’d say yes… of course with conditions to follow for a certain time.
I LOVE my daddy. Seriously. He is awesome. I’m having a nice little chat with God cuz I can’t sleep and a little bit of a crying frustrated moment when my daddy come and gives me a hug and then gives me a piece of caramilk and sends me back to bed. : D
One day I’ll look back on this and laugh.
YNK
Hey, so, I like you and you’re one of my friends. You flirt, that’s cute… But you’re little, so don’t think about it.
Now, you did something that really messes up life, you saw somethig you were NOT suppose to see. The reason you are not suppose to see: not because I’m hiding it, but because you took it wrong.
I know you took it wrong because of your reaction....
YNK
I thinking you’re messing up.
Don’t do it. Stop. Go back.
Leave it alone. Please.
And you, you’re messing it up. You should stop because you don’t get it… And that’s a totally lane way of doing things. You’re playing. Stop.
Just to some...
I want to disappear from you. Don’t expect a text or a phone call or a reply. I have to be around tomorrow… I wish I could do it longer. But today, for sure.
I’m gone.
I need to start putting the pictures up…
I want to go to the mountains, look good, and take a lot of pictures…
YNK
Wow, that was a legit conversation. Honestly, I don’t know why I had it though.
I don’t settle. If I can do better, I will, if you can do better, you will. Just because it’s doable, doesn’t mean you should do it. It’s the worst thing for me to think that someone will get married just because it’s doable, and not because they like the person.
I feel a little...
I get to go home to... That?
I am so happy to go home. It sucks my plans are all thrown away, but my mood will not work with mother issues.
Also, seriously girl, grow the fuck up. You are almost 21 and being a slut is NOT cool. So stop saying you’re choosing to be good, when in reality, it’s just not working out this time. Yes, you can be a slut. And you not and not bitch about it? I’d clap for that
Frick, how girly can I get today?
Why do I want that to be me?
I mean, I don’t even know what I want in the bigger picture… But I want that.
I want you to want me.
YNK
You piss me off when you do this. Yes, I work my ass off. So how the hell are you riding it?? (in a total non-dirty way)
I do what I can, try to fit everything in…
I cannot wait for it to be done and for this summer to be what I wanted it to be.
All the stories don't have to be the same...
I feel like I try way too hard. And then I stop trying and then you come back and make me want to keep trying.
I am giving it and me up.
You're not ready for me yet...
Dear future husband,
I know some things about you.
1. You are going to be difficult; you will not let me have it my way all the time. 2. You are going to make me want to be a better person. 3. I will have to be strong for you, just like you will have to be strong for me. 4. You will call me beautiful… and mean it. 5. You’re not ready for me yet.
I am waiting, maybe I’m not...
YNK
I think that is so cute. Seriously, you are so cute. If you weren’t sixteen boy, I would be flirting hardcore.
Do you know how many boys can’t do that? Let me just say, impressive. But again, you’re sixteen.
So now it’s all the good guys are taken, gay, or little??
YNK
This is what I wanted to say…
I woke up late, did not call who I was suppose to call, left my phone at home, went to work and used every ounce of brain power I had, went home grabbed my phone, went to meet a friend, chickened out and did not tell my friend what I was suppose to tell them, started thinking, went to church, had a good time, God told me something I will try to do, heard...
So I’m sitting at work…
I really should be working right? I have absolutely no motivation. None. These two jobs are killing me. One takes so much brain power, the other just takes up all my time and sleep.
Get motivated!!
YNK
I want to be married by 22. Yeah, it’s not going to happen. But I figure out when it could happen with you.
Doing these on your phone causes typos.
YNK
It’s the times you tell me how you consciously chose to give in to your problem that I’m happy I don’t…
Rely
to fulling depend on.
I need to fully depend on God. I need to remember this. More than ever right now.
When people start talking it makes me think… Especially when different people say the same thing. I don’t care what people tell me should happen, or they tell me will happen. God has his plan for me, and I need to follow that to the best of my ability and He will do the rest.
...
Back it up..
We’ve been here before. Just at a different time. Life is different.
I kind of want to go back to when life was figured out.
It’s never going to happen… My whole life plan gone. So I get to focus on one aspect and that is all I get? It doesn’t seem right.
It could be so good, and it could be so bad.
Tonight… At 11:11…
My mind is going round in circles. I don’t know how to express how I feel or what I think. Worst part, I have no one I can just talk to out loud so I can figure it out.
All I keep thinking is, it’s you… You’re epic that way, you try… You piss me off yet we work right through it. I really don’t know what or how I feel.
I need this...
