Nothing*Without*Risk

I can count on you. Always, or at least most days.

Just not in a constructive way.

I don’t know what to tell you… You say one thing, act another way… And you will never be different.

I really need to find a boy.

Tonight was sweet… Hanging out, watching movies, talking about stupid people in our lives, chilling to music eating fries… Haha. Good times!
Almost 10 hours…

Sadly, I’m really debating giving up on you… I don’t know what else to do.

Messed up friendships are all I’ve ever known… So I can’t have a normal one.

Not if it involves giving up on you.

You know when life really sucks,

When you’ve had a really shitty day,

When the only people you can talk to are the very ones you don’t want to talk to,

When you want to cry but can’t bring yourself to do it,

When you realize, again, that something will never happen,

And yet you find a will to smile at something in every messed up thing through the day,

Or get excited over the one thing you know will never happen.

That, that time, is when you know you’re FUCKED UP.

I want to scream. I don’t know what I’m thinking but I know what I’m trying to make myself think… Does that make sense??

I love Christmas. I use to be the most Christmas-sy person in my family. Sadly, this year, not so much. Oh well, what can you do?

I do feel a little lonely this Christmas. Not that I should… I have a lot of family around. I just, I wish I had that one person that I couldn’t wait to talk to on Christmas, and the person that wanted to call me up just because he thought of me and Christmas.

That will be laid aside when I wake up tomorrow. I love this season. I’ve really sucked at remembering the reason.